Day 19

I forgot to set my clock back and I missed out on an extra hour of sleep- I was ready for church an hour early and momma was still sleeping! I didn't realize it until I was completely ready and called my sons who were spending the night with their other grandmother- to be sure they were on their way to church- my sister was to come at 9:30 to watch Momma while I was at church and she was late by 30 minutes- then she ended up leaving before I got home- I don't understand not wanting to spend quality time with your mother- 2 and a half hours every 10 days is not quality time- yet, she feels she has done her duty for a while. I had been looking forward to next Saturday because my mother was going to spend the night with my sister and go to church with them the next morning- however, she called and said she just didn't think she would be able to do that- I really don't understand either one of my sisters- they assured me that they would help me with my mother when she moved in with me- and had I not taken her in- she would be in a nursing home right now and definitely would not have progressed like she has. I am extremely frustrated-today and have probably said things I shouldn't have- but you know what- in the end, I will have no regrets and I can't say that for them- they both seem so consumed with their own lives and I can't understand that- my older sister is even mad at momma because she wants momma to go to her shoulder surgery next week and momma said she couldn't go - can you believe this? A hospital is the last place someone like my mother needs to be around- her immune system is suppressed already- sometimes I feel like I am living a Soap Opera- I have decided that I will not ask either one of my sisters to help anymore- I get too frustrated when they can't or offer an excuse- my church friends and other friends have offered more help than they have anyway. I know that mommas feelings are hurt- she says they're not but I know better- she just wants to keep peace between all three of us- inside I know she is hurt and I can't stand knowing that- so I will continue to give her the best care that I can and know that in the end I will have no regrets. I thank God for guiding me in the direction of taking this on ,for empowering me with the strength to do things I never thought I could do and for surrounding me with friends that support me through phone calls, food and a listening ear. God Is Good!