Days 35 and 36

The past two days have been fine taking care of my mother. Our heat downstairs where Momma's room is, is broken. And the weather has been unusually cold this week. I have made every effort to keep my mom warm by using space heaters and electric blankets- and she hasn't complained a bit! The heater man is supposed to come fix it tomorrow. Tomorrow we go to get her hair done and we will also visit with my sister for a while. I think Momma is happy here- she felt proud of herself when she stays alone for a few hours- like tonight the boys and I went to church and she stayed alone- I think she enjoys the alone time too! She is excited about our upcoming trip for her class reunion next weekend- and I guess I am too- but I really wish I could stay home and watch the Bama game- I guess I'm being selfish- it's just a game.

Days 33 and 34

Yesterday was Sunday and we had plans for me to take mom to her church and then for me to go to my church at 11- well the night was rough for me because my husband was up all night coughing and then had severe diarrhea- so I was up at 4am searching the house for Imodium to give him- by 6am when the alarm went off- I was dead tired- I got up and went down stairs to tell mom that I just too tired to make it- she understood and had not slept well either- so we both went back to bed- our youth pastor picked our youngest son, Sam up for church- and of course- our oldest son still has mono- I told someone last night that everyone and everything was sick in our house- even the animals- we had the cat spayed over the weekend- and the dog has not been feeling well either!!! So today- I took advantage of the spa gift certificate that my husband gave me for our anniversary last month- I had a hydrotherapy treatment and a massage and it was wonderful- I'm beginning to think I deserve a spa visit every month!!! When I left mom- my son was here and so Jerry- but she got herself dressed for the day all by herself! I am amazed at her progress!! The past two nights I have gone on to bed and she has stayed up watching tv and she puts herself to bed after I have gotten her ready and given her meds! A girl from church brought our supper tonight and it was great- lasagna- all in all today was a good day and Momma just keeps getting better and stronger everyday!!!

Day 32

I guess Saturdays are going to be hard- for some reason- it seems I get really uptight- stressed- or something- Our meals ministry from church brought our lunch today- it was great- Turkey and dressing with all the fixings- my friend, Denise brought it- and she brought her son, Luke- whom i adore and momma has grown to love as well- there's just something about having a baby around that lifts your spirits! After lunch, I took a nap and woke up in time to get ready for the Bama game- which we won- Roll Tide! During the game, mom talked to a friend of hers about her upcoming class reunion- I had told her previously that I would take her- and today I found out that it is taking place on the same day as the Bama/Auburn game- if you live in the south- you would understand my disappointment- even though we never go to the games- it's just always been a family thing to watch it together- I hate to miss it but I promised her I would take her- so- I will. In the morning i am going to take her to her church again and then try to get to my church by 11 for worship service- i miss going to Sunday School- hopefully next week, my sister will start taking her to church- better pray about that one...

Days 30 and 31

Yesterday was a busy day for us beginning with blood work first thing in the morning. After that, we ate breakfast at Shoneys and then went to Walmart to get her nails done and just shop around- I think we actually stayed n Walmart 2 hours- just roaming around- me pushing her in the wheelchair- we bought my sister a get well gift and then left in time for her hair appointment at 1pm- she looked great with hair and nails done-After this we went to visit my sister who has had shoulder surgery- we told her that we had decided that momma would probably just stay with me- Momma also told her that once she was recovered, she hoped she would be able to take her to doctors appointments and such since I will be back at work. My sister was immediately on the defensive- telling momma that she was just not going to pull on her anymore or try to lift her- I jumped in and said momma doesn't need that anymore- she is able to get up and down herself- you know I really think she just doesn't want to be bothered with the responsibility of helping out. I can't understand my sisters at all- Connie doesn't even call and check on my momma everyday which I think there is absolutely no excuse for- and Jenny is so wrapped up in her own self that she can't see any one else- oh well- they will have regrets- not me.
Today we got up late. Jamie, her therapist came and we barely had enough time to get her dressed and ready. He worked with her on the outside steps that we have and also getting in and out of the car- after her therapy, she gave him one of her books she has written and wrote inside-"Thank you for helping me get part of my life back"- I thought that was touching. This afternoon, I took Jay to the doctor and he now has mono- ugh- another obstacle to get past- but we will- the doctor told him to be careful about being around Momma and his brother- Sam- who will probably get it anyway- I felt a little down today for some reason- maybe losing some of my identity- I don't know-tonight I felt like coming upstairs early and getting ready for bed and reading for a while- but I felt that I needed to stay and keep her company until time to get her ready for bed- maybe I can find a way to get her to be able to take her meds and get her night clothes on earlier- this is going to be especially important when I start back to work because I will need to be in bed by 9pm- maybe 8 depending on how tired I am going to be...

Day 29

Today has officially marked the 4 week time period that I have cared for my mother. I asked her if she thought it seemed that long- and she said no. Today when her therapist came and saw her new "room"- he thought it was perfect-after her therapy he spoke with me privately about how he thought she would really thrive in the situation she is in now- because it is familiar. He really thinks that if we put her in assisted living that she will decline- I told him I thought the same thing. she really seems happy at our home- there is just no way I could tell her she has to leave. I talked to Jerry about it tonight and he agrees- she is welcome to stay as long as needed as far as he is concerned- how many other husbands would be so nice to a mother-in-law who wouldn't even attend our wedding- that's another long story that I won't get into- but I am so proud of him for being so good about all of this. Although her Alzheimer's has improved greatly- I know that eventually it will get worse and it would get worse quicker if she were to have to make another move/adjustment. So for now, I believe we will just plan on keeping her long term. I want her to be happy and I believe she is- we have to work out the Sunday church issue because we belong to different denominations, so I will be praying for a solution. Today Jerry and I went to her house and picked up a few of her pictures and special items to make her room feel more homey. Her room used to be Jay's room, but we have turned it into the "grandmother"room in about 24 hours. She has her own bathroom right off her room and it is just perfect- we had kept her hospital bed in our great room but yesterday I had the bright idea of moving her into that room- this involved ripping up carpet, taking down an antique bed and finding different places all over the house for Jay's stuff. I'm proud of Jay for being so willing to give up his room- he never really slept in there anyway- because Sam's room upstairs still has two twin beds and he usually sleeps up there. Sam helped me take apart the hospital bed, move it and then put it back together again! After we got all of her pictures hung and special stuff in place, her room looks really pretty. Tomorrow we have blood work to get done in the morning and then she goes to get her hair done- hope we get sleep tonight in order to get up early...

Day 28

Well today began really boring- Momma was depressed for some reason- not quite sure why- well I managed to get her depression out when I officially moved her into her own room! This began by pulling up carpet in the room that Jay has been calling his bedroom- although he never sleeps there- then I began putting all of Jay's stuff in different places in the house- Jerry and the boys took down the bed and we spent a good deal of the day cleaning the floor underneath the nasty carpet. Sam and I un assembled the hospital bed and moved it into the new "grandmother room"and I made some last minute decoration attempts with what we had- we will go to her house tomorrow and get more stuff- when it was time to put her in her bed, we realized that it was turned in a way that made it too difficult for her to get in the bed because of her leg- so when Jerry got home, we moved the bed and the rug underneath to suit her needs- finally I sat down after working nonstop for about 7 hours- her room looks great and I could tell she was proud of it- she mentioned just staying and living with us and paying $1000 a month- but I just said we would talk about it later-but for now she is happy in her new room and she will be really happy when I bring more of her stuff over tomorrow- tomorrow will be 4 weeks since she has been here- time has flown by...

Days 25, 26 and 27

As you can tell- blogging would be boring if I detailed everyday like before- that is because caregiving is getting easier- I still have days when I want to just scream and run out of the house- and days when I miss my privacy or miss the way I used to do things- but all in all things are okay- Saturday was a good day- Bama beat LSU in overtime! I cooked chili and a few friends came by- everyone is impressed with the progress she is making- the following day- Sunday- I told my momma I would take her to church- it has been so long since she has been to church and she really wanted to go- you have to understand our different spiritual beliefs really well in order to appreciate the events of today but anyway- i took her to her former home church (the church I grew up in ) at 9am and then I took her home where my sister was suppose to be there to care for her- of course- she was late- but my son, Jay had stayed home because he is sick, so I felt okay leaving mom with him- because my worship service at my church started at 11- I ended up about 15 minutes late- but really needed the worship time- my sister ended up taking mom out to eat and over to her house to get more clothes- so for about 3 hours- I took a much needed nap!! When she came home, she seemed to have had a good time- and I'm glad- today is Monday and Jamie, her therapist came this morning- she fought taking a shower- and I just gave in- but I did make sure that I scrubbed her real good "down there"- I really think she needs a shower everyday- I've heard that older people have fears of the water the older they get and they just hate thinking they may get cold- sorry, but as long as she stays here- showers will be everyday from now on- besides she always ends up feeling better after her shower. After Jamie left, I went to run errands and Jay was still sick at home so I left him in charge- she did fine and I was only gone about an hour. Tonight after dinner she was so proud of herself for sitting on the couch- this is the first time she has sat on the couch since she h as been here- she either sat on the lift chair or in her wheelchair- those baby steps keep coming!! I spoke with someone today about getting the VA benefit for her to move into assisted living- there is so much paper work but I am determined to get it done- it is about $1000 per month- however, I told her today that if she stayed here it would be fine too- whatever she wants to do and will be happy- growing old is sad-I pray that my boys will care for me i f I need them- but I pray I won't need them...

Days 23 and 24

Caring for my mother is becoming easier every day- she is making great strides in her physical abilities- just need to keep working on strengthening her leg muscles- as far as her Alzheimer's- at this point- I don't think she even has it- I really believe that her Doctor in Tennessee had her on so much medicine that was unnecessary- I think it just put her in a fog for the past couple of years- my husband and I went out to dinner tonight alone- our son stayed with Momma- but we were going to leave her by herself- then Jay came home right before we left- the thing is- 3 weeks ago, I couldn't even leave the room without listening for her 24/7. She has improved that much! Jerry and I were talking about the possibility that she may one day be able to go back to her house- she certainly is not ready for that now- but it could be possible if she continues improving- I am completely amazed at the power of prayer- I have witnessed before my very eyes what prayer, faith, and a strong group of supportive friends can do for a person- My God is so good and how could anybody live their life without Him on their side? Throughout this journey since mid August, I have seen so many different phases of illness in my mother- dementia, seizures, depression, horrible pain, inability to walk or be mobile, incontinence, weight loss, loss of appetite, and many other horrible things- i remember at times praying that the Lord would take her if she couldn't get any better- and at that time I believed she never would- I think of the verse in the Bible that says- "My ways are higher than your ways"- God doesn't work on my schedule- and He sees that huge picture into the future that I can not see- He has a plan and it is never to harm, but always to prosper- Jeremiah 29:11.
Yesterday she got her hair done and it looked so good! She was so proud- again another little step- after that we went by her house to pick up some fall/winter clothes- I was afraid it would make her sad- but it didn't.
Today we went to a craft show and then to the doctor- her doctor was so pleased with her progress- he ordered blood work so that he will be able to possibly lower some of her meds!!
Now the house is quiet and all is well at the Wheeler home. Tomorrow is Saturday and of course- Roll Tide Football around here- Go Bama!

Days 20, 21, 22

Well I have been without a computer for two days and I was just about having withdrawal symptoms when finally our new modem arrived by UPS today- so I am a little behind in blogging- Monday was a good therapy day for Momma- she made three rounds walking through the house with the walker- it was a pretty normal day- Janice, our pastor's wife brought supper and it was delicious!! Around 6, I got cabin fever bad- so I asked Mom if she would mind if I went to the Dollar store down the road for a few minutes- my boys were home with her- and she said I should go- it's amazing what 45 minutes away can do- and I even found some cute picture frames and a shower curtain! When I came back, the boys were proud of themselves for "keeping Grandma"and I was renewed a bit. Monday night Momma decided she would try putting the potty chair close to her bed and going tot he bathroom by herself during the night without calling for me- it worked- however, I have become so accustomed to listening for her on the baby monitor, that when I heard some rustling around at 2am, I knew she was going tot he bathroom- I laid in bed just listening until she stopped moving and I knew she was successful.
She woke up again to use the bathroom around 7 and again I listened to be sure she didn't need me. When I came downstairs around 7:30- she was so proud of herself- "she asked me- "Well how did it feel to get a whole nights sleep?"I told her it was great- I would never let her know that I was awake both times she went to the bathroom!! These are great steps in helping h er secure independence!! Last night she also used the bedside toilet and each time I heard her- but still I'll never tell!!! Yesterday I had a dentist appointment and I could tell she really didn't want to go- it was also election day and I needed to vote- so when Jerry got home from voting, i asked him to stay and watch Momma while I did these things- he agreed - by the way he has been wonderful at adapting to having her here- and he makes her feel like she is so welcome! I can never thank him enough for that! I ran my errands, went to the dentist, voted and came home in about 4 hours- she was so proud of herself because she had gone into the bathroom by herself while I was gone! These little steps are so important. Last night I began talking to her about the possibility of her buying a mobile home and putting it on our land- we have almost 4 acres- at first she was against it but as we talked I could tell she thought more and more about it- Today her therapist came and after he left, we were both bored- I thought it would be nice to just drive around and see the pretty foliage in the mountainous areas around the county- so we got in the car and left- one of the assisted living places that we had been thinking about was on our way and I asked her if she wanted to stop by- at first she said no- but then I talked her into it- we had thought that this place was way out of her price range but were pleasantly surprised that it was only a little more than she had been paying in Tennessee. She liked the place -it is really pretty and the apartments were cute- they have an on site therapy gym/room and fitness center and it is located in on on the best areas of Huntsville- she actually began thinking about it and tonight said that if she could get the $1000 VA benefit she is eligible for through my Dad- she wants to move there in January. So we will see- I think that being in a facility may decrease the progress she has made but maybe not- I just want her to be happy and if she wants to stay with us- that's fine too- we will pray about it and trust the Lords guidance...

Day 19

I forgot to set my clock back and I missed out on an extra hour of sleep- I was ready for church an hour early and momma was still sleeping! I didn't realize it until I was completely ready and called my sons who were spending the night with their other grandmother- to be sure they were on their way to church- my sister was to come at 9:30 to watch Momma while I was at church and she was late by 30 minutes- then she ended up leaving before I got home- I don't understand not wanting to spend quality time with your mother- 2 and a half hours every 10 days is not quality time- yet, she feels she has done her duty for a while. I had been looking forward to next Saturday because my mother was going to spend the night with my sister and go to church with them the next morning- however, she called and said she just didn't think she would be able to do that- I really don't understand either one of my sisters- they assured me that they would help me with my mother when she moved in with me- and had I not taken her in- she would be in a nursing home right now and definitely would not have progressed like she has. I am extremely frustrated-today and have probably said things I shouldn't have- but you know what- in the end, I will have no regrets and I can't say that for them- they both seem so consumed with their own lives and I can't understand that- my older sister is even mad at momma because she wants momma to go to her shoulder surgery next week and momma said she couldn't go - can you believe this? A hospital is the last place someone like my mother needs to be around- her immune system is suppressed already- sometimes I feel like I am living a Soap Opera- I have decided that I will not ask either one of my sisters to help anymore- I get too frustrated when they can't or offer an excuse- my church friends and other friends have offered more help than they have anyway. I know that mommas feelings are hurt- she says they're not but I know better- she just wants to keep peace between all three of us- inside I know she is hurt and I can't stand knowing that- so I will continue to give her the best care that I can and know that in the end I will have no regrets. I thank God for guiding me in the direction of taking this on ,for empowering me with the strength to do things I never thought I could do and for surrounding me with friends that support me through phone calls, food and a listening ear. God Is Good!

Day 18

Today was probably the worst- for me anyway- Momma woke twice and then slept until 10:00- but I kept waiting to hear her on the monitor and couldn't get much sleep- I woke up at 2am thinking about ways to purchase a cottage type home for her to put on our property. I just don't think she will do well in assisted living- I'm afraid she will decline again if she is put in any facility. Around 12 noon, I realized that our toilet and tub were backed up downstairs! Yuk ! I called the plumber and our septic tank needed pumping- only $500- it seems that when we get just a bit ahead- something happens to push us back financially- I was really upset about it- and had still not been able to bathe my mother because of the tub being backed up- so it was around 6 when she finally got her shower- the whole day I have felt exhausted-I think momma did too- I've even been depressed- having that feeling that I needed to bust out and go or do something- I don't know why because yesterday was so busy- I just couldn't seem to rest today though- I guess worry and realizing that we will have to make a decision about her care in about 6 weeks- I am also wearing down a bit physically and mentally- I need a break I guess- and not just a few hours break- maybe I will schedule a massage at the spa in the next week or two- I have a gift certificate I can use. So far I'm not hearing her on the monitor- so I guess she is resting well. Tomorrow I get to go to church because Connie is coming to watch momma...